Over the past 13 months I have learned more about myself, this life journey we are on, the love my Abba Father has for me, and the great depths of His grace than I ever have. I wanted to take a moment to share and hopefully encourage whoever finds themselves reading this post.I was blessed by a very unexpected friendship a little over a year ago while in the beautiful city of St. Louis, Missouri. On December 31st, 2012, Utah met Washington across the dinner table, among 18,000 people, at an amazing event called Urbana12. We talked, and talked, and talked. Literally. Inquire for the rest of the details...
We have been journeying together for 12 months today and if you had told me I would be where I am today a year and a half ago, I would have laughed at you because I had it all figured out already and that hadn't been in my plans. 12 months later, we have spent 90% of our relationship about 1,000 miles apart. Has it been difficult? Absolutely. Has it been wonderful? Absolutely. Will I keep this up? Absolutely.
As He seems to do with everything in our lives, if we are willing, my gracious Heavenly Father has taught me a lot throughout this process about myself, what true surrender of the future looks like, how to truly love, forgive, and most importantly about His GREAT, everlasting, unconditional love.
If you've ever had to say goodbye to someone you love for a long time, not just a week or two, but months at a time, maybe without an end in sight, you'll understand this. There is a literal physical aching of your heart as they walk or drive away. It's deep. It's painful. And noting really makes it go away, but the turning of the clock with time. In that moment, you'd do anything to make it go away. Standing outside of the rope as the one you love goes through TSA at the airport is awful. Your so close, yet so far away. You know what's coming and its not them. Its the aching of your heart that won't fully be relieved until your reunited again. Then the walking away alone is a little taste of complete loneliness. As I have experienced this about a half dozen times this past year with about 2-4 months in-between, the Lord revealed a piece of His heart to me. The physical ache and pain that I feel with every goodbye, that settles deep in my heart, is nothing close to the deep ache and longing our Father has in His heart when His children walk away from Him. He loves so much deeper, so much greater, so much more intimately, and the beauty of it is that He knows. He knows your pain, the aching you feel. He is SO in love with you. He never wants to let go. You do have a choice to run after Him as well, but when you choose otherwise He feels the same ache in His heart for the presence and love of His sons and daughters. And the crazy thing is, it doesn't matter how long your gone, He throws a party when you return and embraces you and lathers you with His love like you never left.
In that revelation, He revealed another deep and amazing piece of Himself to me. As I thought about that amazing truth, I realized that I can and will never love as deep, as intimately, as unconditionally, and as much as He does. Even though I sometimes feel like its a lot, my love is just a fraction of His. Think about the one you love most. How much do you love them? What would you do for them? Your love is NOTHING compared to the depth of the Fathers love for you and that person individually. There is also a sweet comfort in that because as I am far far away I know that Jesus cares and loves the one I miss far more and better then I could, even if I was there. I'd like to think I love well, but I have a lot to learn and I am so thankful I have the greatest example of love to model after in Jesus.
As difficult as long-distance is, its a lot easier today than when my grandparents spent two years long-distance in the 1950's. They wrote letters and had an occasional phone call and now we have cell phones, texting, snap chat, Facebook, instagram, voxer, and other means of communication that leave you basically in almost constant communication in some form regardless of the miles between you. When your 1,000 miles apart, you'll do almost anything to stay in touch with the one you love. We've gone as far as watch football games together over Skype, dinner and popcorn dates over Skype and we voice-note instead of text, which is way better because you get to say more in a short amount of time and actually hear their voice. It's weird I know, but that's us. With that luxury and the desire to just be in touch you come to a place of anticipating when the next text, snap, voice note, ect comes in. When its been 20 minutes or longer you get bummed. Or in real life, 2-4 hours in-between classes, but you get the picture. You'll do almost anything to stay connected the best you can. You wait eagerly for the next encounter. One day I had a revelation about this and I just had to ask myself, and this goes for anyone, do I anticipate and wait as eagerly for my next encounter with Jesus as I do with my boyfriend, friends, or family? Do I yearn to talk to my Heavenly Father? Do I crave connection with the very Creator of the universe?! Because He actually wants to spend time with me. He is using all means of communication to talk to me. His voice, His Word, creation, people in my life, encounters, but I'm often distracted and wrapped up other things. We have our occasional chats, but am I giddy when that next "text" rolls in or when I finally getting a break and get to take the time to respond to Him? I've been challenged with that lately and I hope you are to. He craves your time, your affection, your conversation. Does He need it? No. He's God and Creator of all things. Yet, He still craves time with His sons and daughters throughout the day, not just once. He desires to be in constant communication and fellowship with you.
I have also found myself in a weak and vulnerable place many times, feeling the weight of time and miles on my heart. You feel broken and lonely. Some nights all your want to do is pop some popcorn and watch a movie after a long week of classes with the one you care so much about, but that never gets to happen for me. I often find myself in that place alone. You have to be strong though, you can't let it snuggle too deep in you because it will slowly suck your joy away. I have to constantly remind myself that I am exactly where Jesus wants me right now and so is he. We have people, ministry, and obligations that He has called us to and it's awesome! But there are just some days that it catches you from behind. They're hard days. But I've found a sweet beauty in them. When your heart is weak you have the wonderful opportunity to rely on, trust, and sit in the comforting and healing presence of Jesus in a way that you can't when you are whole and close to all those you love, without a hint of longing or loneliness in you. When you finally come to a place of recognizing your yearning heart, weakness, and need, His Presence will meet you in that vulnerable place and love you in the amazing and unconditional way He does, in a way no one else can. I have come to love that place. I find myself there often. He drys my tears and He sings to my heart a song of love that surpasses any love song ever written by man.
I have only journeyed this road for a year, but I've come out with an abundance of truth and revelation. I encourage all couples to go through a season of long distance. You will learn so much about each other. When all you can do is have Skype dates, no movies, events, dinners out, ect, all you can do is talk and that unlocks another level of understanding of one another. We've peeled back all the layers and its a beautiful place filled with honesty and vulnerability. We have come to call our relationship one of Distance By Design. Although its difficult, I would not change it for anything.
