Slum Medical Camps, Labor and Delivery, NICU, and Safari: A Nurse's Adventures in Kenya

One 9 hour flight down, one more to go. The last week and a half in Kenya was so packed I found it hard to journal for myself, let alone blog, finish homework, and just try to soak it up and be present, so I apologize for the delay in blog posts! 

Now that our trip is coming to a close I have so many emotions, thoughts, and ideas running through my head. Sometimes putting life experiences into words for those who were not there to witness, smell, and take in all the emotions surrounding it is difficult. As I sit comfortably in the Shipole airport with a protein bar in hand, I struggle to put Kenya into words. What a month it has been. This trip far exceeded my expectations, challenged me, grew me, and opened up my perspective and heart in so many new ways.

I want to recap for you some of the amazing experiences we had last week. We put on two more medical camps last weekend, which were amazing. They both took place in large slum communities outside Nairobi. The first was the largest, serving roughly 300+ woman and children in the Kibera slum and the second was in a slum called Lenana and we served about 200 people. Kibera is the largest slum in Africa and one of the worst in the world.

1.3 Million people live in a five mile radius in some of the worst and most unsanitary conditions I have ever seen. And the crazy thing is that some people are born, grow up, get married, have a family, and die, never leaving the slum. They never know what a field of grass looks like, children never learn to climb trees, or even ride a bike. Entering the slum as a Mzungu (white person) is very dangerous, so we had 4 armed Kenyan guards with us throughout the medical camp. We saw so many respiratory infections, malaria, and ended up deworming all of the children we saw. I loved spending time with the kids afterwards and taught a group of them how to use my stethoscope and take turns listening to each other. They asked my if I was a doctor and I said I was a nurse and then proceeded to ask them all what they want to be when they grew up. I got answers like pilot, doctor, teacher, and nurse. But what breaks my heart is that 95% of those kids will not become what their little hearts desire to be. Not because they do not have the work ethic or drive to be successful, but simply because of where they were born. Its unfair and is humbling because so many children, myself  include at times, resent school and take it for granted completely. Praise God we have schools and have the opportunity to learn and live out our dreams! 

The week at the hospital was full of mothers and babies at Kenyatta National. I was on the labor and delivery ward for two days and then a day in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I had the amazing opportunity to assist with six births! Are there epidurals in public African hospitals? Of course not. These women are amazing and so inspiring as far s child birth goes! They are so strong and I hope one day I can deliver my babies all natural the way they do, but not forced, simply by choice because its better for my baby and I in the long run. But the only thing I don't want is an episiotomy without any numbing! Oh baby that was not a pleasant sight, but it happens every day there! In an average 24 hour period the hospital delivers 45-50 babies! 

I had a very unique learning experience as well and if you are easily upset by medical details skip this paragraph. I was a part of a birth with a young 22 year old first time mom who had undergone female genital mutilation (FGM) as a young girl. This procedure, though now illegal in Kenya, is still secretly practiced by some tribes, including Kenyan Somalis and the Maasi tribe. Having this done is seen as a right to womanhood in these tribes and is often all the woman know, but it has immense ramifications on the birth process and is a very prominent contributor to high infant and maternal mortality rates. And that was almost the case for the birth I was in. Her baby had been fully crowned and ready for birth for over two hours but due to the size of her vaginal opening resulting from FGM, her pushing was unproductive and the baby was stuck. After a large, lidocaine-free, episiotomy and complete tearing through the FGM area, exposing her urethra, her baby was born completely bluish/white, limp, and not breathing. She was resuscitated, but due to the length of birth asphyxia (time without oxygen) there will most likely be long-term brain damage. She was limp even after she began spontaneous breathing and never fully cried. I was so glad I was there because as the baby came out all the nurses left the mom alone on the bed, covered in blood, without even seeing her baby as the wisked her off to resuscitate. I stayed beside her, held her hand, and prayed over that baby with her as they were working on her. Little moments like that each day affirm why we are here in Kenya right when and where God wants us to be. 

The last day was spent in the NICU, which was amazing for me because thats the unit I want to end up working on and specializing in. And boy is an African NICU different the ones in the US. They're nursery was built to accommodate 58 babies and they currently have 105, leaving 2-3 per incubator and oxygen supplementation only available to those who really really need it. The little ones, weighing 800-1300 grams on average, the smallest being 600 grams, simply had an NG tube and padded blankets. No monitors, no O2 saturations, and only supplemental O2 for those who appeared in respiratory distress. Only the sickest of the sickest had any type of continuous monitoring and that was only 5 babies. A good 75-80% of those babies would have been on full monitoring in the US and a few would have been intubated. However, against such odds, the nurses do so well with hat they have and babies do get well and go home. Really small ones have a very low survival rate, but I was amazed by how the nurses improvise with what they have. It was an amazing learning experience and definitely makes me appreciate the technology we have in the US and our ability to save even the tiniest little ones! 

This last weekend we spent on Safari on the Maasi Mara. How beautiful that place is! I was blown away and in awe of God'd creativity there! Pictures do not do it justice at all! We stayed two nights in a Safari Camp that was kinda like "glamping". Not quite as fancy, but we had beds and mosquito nets in out tents and they had cute little front porches. I, however, made a very poor choice while on safari and am still experiencing the ramifications of it! I didn't wear any sunscreen during our safari day at all and I'm on the antimalarial drug Doxycycline, which makes you photosensitive and I TOTALLY forgot....and to add I was in a tank top. So what resulted?? Second degree burns all over my back and chest that have now blistered over and began the intense peeling process. They were super painful initially the two days after, but are way better now! But because a second degree burn kills the epidermis completely and dermis layer partially peeling is unavoidable because the skin is just dead. SO yes, I learned a good lesson! But we saw amazing animals, all the Big 5 but a Rhino, 13 lions, zebra, elephant, crocodile, and also got to cross the boarder into Tanzania! And being me....I ran out into the bush of Tanzania and peed on the Mara. I just had to leave my DNA in yet another African country (: 

The joinery continues and we board our next flight home soon, but I plan to blog about my last week of experiences on the flight (: Thank you all for your continuous support and prayers for us all! (: 

Beauty, Strength, and Resilience: The Women and Children of Kenya

The Great Rift Valley is a sight to behold, what beauty in the lush green plains that seem to go on forever. Not only is the landscape of western Kenya beautiful, but the people it holds are some of the strongest you will ever meet. We arrived after 9 hours of driving the bumpy red dirt roads to Megengo. A rural village town where over 50% of the population lives below the poverty line, which is less than a dollar a day. These people have little to no access to medical care, let alone the ability to afford it if they did. We put on a medical camp at a widows center in Megengo this past Friday for the population they minister too, only advertised by word of mouth. Without any public advertising, we saw over 500 women, children, and a few men during our one day clinic. I asked how many people would have showed up if we had advertised publicly and they said over 2,000. I cherished each "Jambo" and handshake from the women's strong leather hands and the sweet shy faces of their children. These women are absolutely incredible and daily they face unimaginable obstacles to survive and provide for their children. They are strong not only physically, but mentally and spiritually. They work so hard and their bodies are to show for it. As I took blood pressure after blood pressure I couldn't help but notice that so many of them have better biceps than 99% of the guys I know (sorry, but its true!). They work so hard to survive and make a living for their children. I was blessed by them and the opportunity to pray for each of them as they were seen. We saw many cases of malaria, intestinal worms, diarrhea, hypertension, back and joint pain, jiggers, colds, and other various infections.

Some of my friends showing off their heart tattoos (: 

 I made some sweet little friends with my broken swahili after the camp while sitting contently in the red dirt that now feels like home. What a curious creature I am to their young eyes. What is that yellow stuff on her head? Why is her skin such a weird color? I am a curious figure, but I am so glad my looks do not scare away, but rather draw some very curious little hands to touch and explore this odd being. I asked each one of them their names and being valentines day, which is widely celebrated here, I had brought some heart shaped temporary tattoos with me. Oh the joy! This kids had never seen such a thing and their faces glowed with excitement as I gave each on a little gift of not only my love, but their Heavenly Father's love on their dirty hand. These are His treasured ones, His precious vulnerable children. They are His masterpiece.

You can't pick favorites, but one sweet girl in the group stood out to me the most. Her name was Mary and she was a beauty. She came to the group only after she saw us while she was carrying a bucket from her small brick and straw home and the others called her over. I asked her age, she was a tender 8 years. I learned that 4 kids in the group were her siblings and they lived with their grandmother. They were orphans and Mary played big role in running the house and watching her siblings while grandmother tried to make money to feed them. She is a doll, graced with such joy and strength. I will always treasure my time with her and the others.

The boys waiting as we introduced ourselves 

The next day we traveled to Kakamega for little different scenery for our medical camp. We went to Shkusa Boys Prison, presently home to 365 boys from around the country of Kenya. Shkusa now functions as a rehabilitation and reintegration prison for juvenile boy criminals, but it used to be one of the worst prisons in Kenya. Boys sent there often did not make it out. They died from starvation and rampant disease all too often. A local Kenyan doctor has made Shkusa one of his many ministry projects and after 2 years of investment and care, Shkusa is a very different place. The boys are once again healthy, due to periodic mini medical camps, like we put on that day, and better nutrition. The conditions are still not ideal, currently all the boys have scabies, but there is nothing that they care do without throwing away all the mattresses and blankets they have, which aren't even enough, leaving many of the boys sleeping on the cement floors without any means to stay warm. We were able to introduce ourselves to all of the boys before our medical camp started and as I looked out at each of their faces I saw I sea of eyes, hearts, and lives that needed fathers. Men of honesty, integrity, and faithfulness. My heart broke for the boys. Yah, they are in prison, but get this, the vast majority are there for being petty thieves. They stole because they were hungry, cold, thirsty. They were trying to survive. Thats a difficult element of the reality of Kenya and much of Africa. Far too many families are separated, leaving mom to raise the children and work the farm, while dad leaves to work in the city because the farm will not make enough to sustain them and pay school fees. Many men are gone for months at a time and unfortunately many are unfaithful to their spouse in the process. They often contract HIV/AIDS, eventually infect their wives, leaving her a widow in a short period of time and eventually a household of orphans. This is a vicious cycle here and its heartbreaking because people are just trying to survive and put food on the table. Nothing fancy.

Despite all of the hurt, there is hope at Shkusa now. Dr George has also brought the gospel there and about 60% of the boys have a relationship with Jesus now. They baptized 63 in the nearby river last August. My prayer is that even though many of these boys do not have an earthly Father, their relationship with their Heavenly Father would become so real and would guide, lead, and empower them to be men of God for the next generation of Kenyan men.

Last but not least we had the pleasure to bless the children most people forget about and don't bother to love or invest in. We took two visits to a school/orphanage for deaf and disabled children. Oh what joy yet again! There are 68 children at the orphanage and as our van drove down the dusty road to their building what a party of jumping and dancing began under the tree by the schoolhouse. I loved our time with them, especially because I took two years of sign language in high school and was able to minimally communicate with the kids. We brought gifts of food with us on both Saturday and Sunday because they struggle to feed the kids. Those sweet silent faces are the forgotten ones here. Many are abandoned by their parents and brought to the school by the police that find them helplessly wandering the streets. Because of that, their government funding is little to non and only 5% of their children have parents that actually pay school fees. We brought them 150lbs of beans the first day and after hearing about their great need we pooled money together and brought 40 loaves of bread, 20lbs of sugar, cooking fat, and salt the next day.

Some of the children signing their thanks and excitement at our gifts! 

In addition, we also brought a little party in the form of jump ropes and balls. A classmate and I purchased the toys because we had also learned the first day that they had absolutely no play toys. At all. 68 kids between the ages of 4 and 17 and there were no toys. So we told them they were loved and cherished by us and Jesus and we launched the party. Such fun teaching the group of older girls I had befriended how to hit the ball volleyball style in a circle, laughing and smiling as we played. I will never forget those girls. They even gave me a sign name, which is an honor to receive as a hearing individual. The first day we were with them we used up the rest of the tattoos I had brought and each child got one on their hand and I also had valentines day heart shaped gummies. The kids loved getting loved on and gifted. Such joy erupted from a single temporary tattoo and three gummy hearts. They were desperate for love and attention. It broke my heart, but I was so glad we had the honor to love the Lord's treasured ones. His precious vulnerable children. Forgotten by most of the world, but oh so special in His eyes!

The journey continues and I will continue to post updates more often now that we are back in wifi zone.
Much Love  ~Ally

Acident and Emergency Ward at Kenyatta and Medical Camp Preparations

Today was a tough one as we spent our first shift at Kenyatta National Hospital. My heart is still heavy as my mind replays some of the images that won't be far from my memory for a very long time. The six of us were placed in pairs on the pediatric, labor and delivery, and acident and emergency wards. As the title reveals, I was on the A&E ward today. For the first part of the day we were with a group of Kenyan Red Cross EMT's and critical care nursing students in a class covering the disaster and mass casualty procedures and response at Kenyatta. It was awesome to get to sit in on the class and learn from the Kenyan students and also have them desire to learn how things are done in America. Our community health Community Emergency Response Training from last semester came in handy today! After that class we were ushered down to the Acident and Emergency ward and given a tour of the layout, procedures, and patient flow. Talk about overwhelming. Patients and families lining every wall and hallway, ambulances constantly arriving, babies crying, and desperate eyes staring at you searching for an answer to their pain and suffering. Nothing compares to the emotions that overwhelm you. Absolutely nothing. You feel almost as helpless as they do because the need is as vast. The hardest part of the day was my time in the resusitation room. A litle one of about 2 or 3 was in the process of being intubated with his mother beside him crying softly. She looked at us with that same desperation. As I finally glanced at her still child my heart dropped to the floor and it took all my strength not to cry. Her little boy was bured from head to toe. Most likely due to falling into a fire or having cooking oil spill down on his sweet curious face. A tragedy all to common in the slum communities here in Kenya. The team was struggling to intubate him due to the swelling and infmalatory response occuring in his airway due to severe facial burns. A procedure normally steril here in the US was attmepted by a nurse not even wearing gloves. Quite a contrast from what I have been taught. Those images burn in my mind tonight and I pray for that sweet little boy. Join with me in prayer for him. I don't know if he made it. This little one is only one of thousands every day being treated at Kenyatta. Only one of thousands desperate for resources, desperate for care, desperate for an answer, and desperate for hope. You my friend are blessed. Thank God for your health today. Thank Him for your abundance. And even though it is not ideal, thank him for the health care system you have access to. Our hospitals may not offer the best coverage, but praise Him that admitance does not equal a death sentance at times. You are far better off than you may feel tonight.

Tomorrow we take off for the weekend to Kakamega, about an 8 hour drive away. There we will be partnering with World Comp and puting on a medical camp in a rural community for two days. We expect to serve roughly 900 people. We will conduct health screenings and referral for diabetes and hypertenion, malaria screening, deworming for children, jigger removal, wound care, stiching, treat skin infections, vision and hearing screenings, diagnose and treat UTI's, pap smears and prostate screenings, and rehydrate for dehydration and other gastric conditions. I am looking forward to beign thrown into something totally new and also to carry more responsibility as a nurse in a rural African setting. I can hardly believe this is only day 5 of 31. Thank you for praying for our team. Please continue to pray for health as one has a cold and one has been dealing with migranes. Pray for openness of heart and love to overflow for the people we serve, sensitivity to the Spirit, and favor as we build relationships with the communities.
Much Love.  ~Ally

Slums, Church, and Kenyatta Hospital: Life in Kenya

Dr. Sedera's truck with 8 of us. Some covered by Ben (: 

Jambo! The last few days have been full of the dichotomy between the rich and poor here in Kenya. There really is no middle class. Our home is in a nicer area close to the embassy's and the UN headquarters. However, 15 minutes aways is a slum where the poorest of Nairobi live and you travel in the other direction farther from the city and the slums get bigger and the population grows more dense. The sights and smells are overwhelming. And to think that this is reality for billions of people all over the world.

Driving here is crazy. We learned yesterday that 5 million people sleep in Nairobi, but 8 million work here. So every day and night 3 million people commute in and out of this city on foot, by bike, matatu, or motorcycle. That is three of the entire population of Seattle driving in and out every day. And we thought our traffic was bad. Think again. We piled 8 people into a 5 seater truck in the jam yesterday as the rain flash flooded the roads (pictured to the side). When it rains here it rains like crazy! It only took 15 minutes of rain for the roads to flood. Yesterday we met with the Dr. overseeing our time as nurses here in Nairobi. Originally we were expecting to work at Nairobi General hospital, which is a private hospital, but as Africa works plans changed and we are working at Kenyatta Hospital. Kenyatta is a public hospital and functions as the Harborview of Kenya. As a public hospital the conditions are far worse and less sanitary. The hospital has approximately 1,500 beds, which is huge! For perspective, Seattle Children's only has around 300. There was a sea of people there yesterday as we got to see some of the grounds and met with the hospital administrator. There were constant Matatu ambulances into their ED and people lining every hallway waiting for outpatient services. There are simply not enough doctors, nurses, or beds there. People hooked up to IV's were lying on blankets on the floor. You almost feel helpless and don't know where to start. We'll be spending Monday-Wednesday working there on the Pediatric, OB, ED, Cardiac, ICU, CCC(HIV/AIDS), and Surgical wards. We have orientation today and will start full shifts tomorrow. The need is so immense and it blows me away because I know that Kenya (Nairobi) gets a lot of NGO, governmental, and missionary assistance and developmental help. So many African countries are far worse off medically then Kenya. Africa needs nurses. The world needs nurses. I am one, so what am I going to do about it? What will you do about it? We have seen the needs, now we are held responsible. Pretty heavy stuff.

One thing I really appreciate about the people here and Africa as a whole is the concept of African time. I am a go go person, I keep a tight schedule in school and often find myself rushing to the next thing each day. However, here they do things very differently. Kenyan's find the person that they are with as far more important then the person or event waiting for them next. They never rush, they are fully engaged, and they are very good at being. Simply being present with the people they are with and letting time take care of itself. We've had to deal with that a lot the past few days as we have met with hospital staff, doctors, and waited our wonderful driver Mesh. But it's okay. I am learning from their culture to be still, to be far more present, and far less concerned with my agenda and far more invested in the people I am with in the moment. Us American's could learn a lot from them. I am also learning Swahili from Mesh as we drive around and picked up some Maasi yesterday. Nani itwa Allyson. Habari Gani my friends? Misru Sana. Asatesana for praying for my team! Aminya bwana! My team is saying koja teen dee to me, so kwaheri for now! Much love ~Ally

Red Dirt, Rain, and Babies: Welcome to Kenya

Kenya, what a beautiful place. Our arrival was graced by the first rain here since October. As I stepped off the plan directly onto the runway, I looked to the night sky and allowed the drops of warm rain to run down my face. I took a few deep breaths of the humid air and I knew I was back. Africa just has a feel, a scent. And those who have been here will agree. Everyone was so joyful at the blessing of rain. We even joked how since we're from Seattle we brought it with us. Our Kenyan friends laughed and genuinley thanked us for bringing it. How desperatly the land needed it. How beautiful is the imagrey. As we arrive the sky opens up to refresh, feed, and heal the dry red ground. We've come with the same purpose, but with us we carry the Lvining Water and the healing, refreshing, and restoring power and love of Jesus. The rain and my team seem to have the same agenda. My prayer is that our trip can have the same effect on the people here. Joy, dancing, feeding of hearts, thankfulnes to God, and celebration. I've been to Afica before, but I already feel humbled by my experience here. The people are lovely and the children, as always, steal your heart. The missionary family we are staying with currently have a four month old orphaned foster baby named Joseph and that boy has stolen a piece of my heart. He'll be up for adoption soon, so if anyone if looking for a beautiful, handsome boy to love, he is a doll. He has a difficult story, but God's grace is one his life, and I believe his name is only a forshadowing to the leader and man of God he will become. My heart for the vulnerable little ones only grows bigger. We visited a secondary school today in a slum of around 6,000 people not too far from where we are staying. We toured the school grounds and met some of the students and teachers. We will hopefully be doing some health teaching there later this month. A sweet five year old little girl names Joyce became my fast friend, in addition to another 25 other children as we walked the muddy garbage filled streets. Joyce brought me flowers and as I showed her how to put one behind her ear as a pretty decoration. Soon all the children wanted one, even the boys. Placeing a flower of blessing behind each of their ears was a moment I'll cherish for a very long time. Slums are complicated places, with much need, yet so much joy in the simplicity of daily life. The women washing clothes in the river, singing and laughing together. The children playing hopscotch, barefoot in the red dirt. Finding such fun and joy in a flower being carefullly placed behind your ear by a blonde mazungu. I have a feeling I will enjoy this month. Jesus use my hands to bless, heal, and love. Much Love, ~Ally

For the Love of People, Jesus, and Nursing: Kenya 2014

I just finished packing and can't quite wrap my little mind around the fact that I leave in just a day and a half. Once again to fly across the vast ocean to a land full of beautiful, vibrant, and loved people. They are SO loved. By Jesus and me. I am so excited to get to opportunity to love the people of Kenya through the healing power of Jesus and the medical abilities He has given me the amazing opportunity to learn these past four years of schooling. Surreal is just begins to explain how this feels right now. We got a taste of the power of collaboration today as the team gathered and packed 400 pounds of medical supplies from donations we've been gathering only in the last week and a half. Pictured with the whole team below. Pretty amazing! I want to thank all of you who played a part in that! You are a part of the team. For those of you who are praying for us, you also a part of the team.

There are 8 of us going to Kenya, 6 students and 2 faculty members. As a snap shot of our month, we'll be working in hospitals three days a week and doing health education in high schools once a week on topics like safe sex, STD prevention, HIV/AIDS, malaria, and basic hygiene and infection prevention. In addition, we'll be putting on a 3 day medical camp 8 hours southeast of Nairobi in a rural village area where we anticipate seeing about 1000 patients a day. We'll also be serving at primary and pre-schools in the Kibara and Dagorreti slums doing medial screenings on the children and serving meals and also spending a day at a juvenile detention center doing medical screening on the 500 youth there and have a time of sharing stories and speaking into their lives.

The trip will be one full of new experiences and relationships and I am so excited to see and learn from the beautiful people of Kenya and see the Lord work through our team! This opportunity is one in a lifetime and I am so blessed to be attending the only school in the US that requires their nursing students to spend a month serving and nursing cross-culturally like this. The training is invaluable and I know it is just the beginning of a lifelong love for nursing and serving and loving people from all Nations!

Distance By Design: What One Year of Long-Distance Has Taught Me

 Over the past 13 months I have learned more about myself, this life journey we are on, the love my Abba Father has for me, and the great depths of His grace than I ever have. I wanted to take a moment to share and hopefully encourage whoever finds themselves reading this post.

I was blessed by a very unexpected friendship a little over a year ago while in the beautiful city of St. Louis, Missouri. On December 31st, 2012, Utah met Washington across the dinner table, among 18,000 people, at an amazing event called Urbana12. We talked, and talked, and talked. Literally. Inquire for the rest of the details...

We have been journeying together for 12 months today and if you had told me I would be where I am today a year and a half ago, I would have laughed at you because I had it all figured out already and that hadn't been in my plans. 12 months later, we have spent 90% of our relationship about 1,000 miles apart. Has it been difficult? Absolutely. Has it been wonderful? Absolutely. Will I keep this up? Absolutely.

As He seems to do with everything in our lives, if we are willing, my gracious Heavenly Father has taught me a lot throughout this process about myself, what true surrender of the future looks like, how to truly love, forgive, and most importantly about His GREAT, everlasting, unconditional love.

If you've ever had to say goodbye to someone you love for a long time, not just a week or two, but months at a time, maybe without an end in sight, you'll understand this. There is a literal physical aching of your heart as they walk or drive away. It's deep. It's painful. And noting really makes it go away, but the turning of the clock with time. In that moment, you'd do anything to make it go away. Standing outside of the rope as the one you love goes through TSA at the airport is awful. Your so close, yet so far away. You know what's coming and its not them. Its the aching of your heart that won't fully be relieved until your reunited again. Then the walking away alone is a little taste of complete loneliness. As I have experienced this about a half dozen times this past year with about 2-4 months in-between, the Lord revealed a piece of His heart to me. The physical ache and pain that I feel with every goodbye, that settles deep in my heart, is nothing close to the deep ache and longing our Father has in His heart when His children walk away from Him. He loves so much deeper, so much greater, so much more intimately, and the beauty of it is that He knows. He knows your pain, the aching you feel. He is SO in love with you. He never wants to let go. You do have a choice to run after Him as well, but when you choose otherwise He feels the same ache in His heart for the presence and love of His sons and daughters. And the crazy thing is, it doesn't matter how long your gone, He throws a party when you return and embraces you and lathers you with His love like you never left.

In that revelation, He revealed another deep and amazing piece of Himself to me. As I thought about that amazing truth, I realized that I can and will never love as deep, as intimately, as unconditionally, and as much as He does. Even though I sometimes feel like its a lot, my love is just a fraction of His. Think about the one you love most. How much do you love them? What would you do for them? Your love is NOTHING compared to the depth of the Fathers love for you and that person individually. There is also a sweet comfort in that because as I am far far away I know that Jesus cares and loves the one I miss far more and better then I could, even if I was there. I'd like to think I love well, but I have a lot to learn and I am so thankful I have the greatest example of love to model after in Jesus.

As difficult as long-distance is, its a lot easier today than when my grandparents spent two years long-distance in the 1950's. They wrote letters and had an occasional phone call and now we have cell phones, texting, snap chat, Facebook, instagram, voxer, and other means of communication that leave you basically in almost constant communication in some form regardless of the miles between you. When your 1,000 miles apart, you'll do almost anything to stay in touch with the one you love. We've gone as far as watch football games together over Skype, dinner and popcorn dates over Skype and we voice-note instead of text, which is way better because you get to say more in a short amount of time and actually hear their voice. It's weird I know, but that's us. With that luxury and the desire to just be in touch you come to a place of anticipating when the next text, snap, voice note, ect comes in. When its been 20 minutes or longer you get bummed. Or in real life, 2-4 hours in-between classes, but you get the picture. You'll do almost anything to stay connected the best you can. You wait eagerly for the next encounter. One day I had a revelation about this and I just had to ask myself, and this goes for anyone, do I anticipate and wait as eagerly for my next encounter with Jesus as I do with my boyfriend, friends, or family? Do I yearn to talk to my Heavenly Father? Do I crave connection with the very Creator of the universe?! Because He actually wants to spend time with me. He is using all means of communication to talk to me. His voice, His Word, creation, people in my life, encounters, but I'm often distracted and wrapped up other things. We have our occasional chats, but am I giddy when that next "text" rolls in or when I finally getting a break and get to take the time to respond to Him? I've been challenged with that lately and I hope you are to. He craves your time, your affection, your conversation. Does He need it? No. He's God and Creator of all things. Yet, He still craves time with His sons and daughters throughout the day, not just once. He desires to be in constant communication and fellowship with you.

I have also found myself in a weak and vulnerable place many times, feeling the weight of time and miles on my heart. You feel broken and lonely. Some nights all your want to do is pop some popcorn and watch a movie after a long week of classes with the one you care so much about, but that never gets to happen for me. I often find myself in that place alone. You have to be strong though, you can't let it snuggle too deep in you because it will slowly suck your joy away. I have to constantly remind myself that I am exactly where Jesus wants me right now and so is he. We have people, ministry, and obligations that He has called us to and it's awesome! But there are just some days that it catches you from behind. They're hard days. But I've found a sweet beauty in them. When your heart is weak you have the wonderful opportunity to rely on, trust, and sit in the comforting and healing presence of Jesus in a way that you can't when you are whole and close to all those you love, without a hint of longing or loneliness in you. When you finally come to a place of recognizing your yearning heart, weakness, and need, His Presence will meet you in that vulnerable place and love you in the amazing and unconditional way He does, in a way no one else can. I have come to love that place. I find myself there often. He drys my tears and He sings to my heart a song of love that surpasses any love song ever written by man.

I have only journeyed this road for a year, but I've come out with an abundance of truth and revelation. I encourage all couples to go through a season of long distance. You will learn so much about each other. When all you can do is have Skype dates, no movies, events, dinners out, ect, all you can do is talk and that unlocks another level of understanding of one another. We've peeled back all the layers and its a beautiful place filled with honesty and vulnerability. We have come to call our relationship one of Distance By Design. Although its difficult, I would not change it for anything.